I'm back

wow, I can't believe its been so long since I last posted. I'm not really sure why I've been reluctant to do so. Wait, I remember, I was dating a girl in October who found my blog. Obviously I'm not going to post whats really going on just to have her read it. Anyhow, that ended a few weeks back, so here I am again. Work has been keeping me very occupied, which is a good thing for me. I find that I get into more trouble the more free time I have. I've pretty much been working till 6, then working out until after 7 on a nightly basis. Ok back to the girl i dated a while back. She met quite a few of my "qualifications" of what I look for in someone. She was educated, successful, attractive and had large breasts lol. On the flip side, she had a child and one of the strongest personalities I've ever dealt with. Lets break this down a bit.
As far as her having a child, I almost feel bad for saying this, but I want a woman without kids, even though i have 2 of my own. It doesn't have to do with the fact that I'm afraid I won't get enough attention, but instead, its more because I usually disagree with how they are raising them. This is how it was with sybil and this is how it was with the new girl, whom I'll call blondie. Of course I can see it from her daughters point of view...she felt she wasn't getting enough attention from mommy, so she tended to misbehave. Also, I hated the way blondie spoke to her daughter. Her kid was 5 or 6 but she talked to her as if she was a 20 year old..using "big" words, etc. When she would do this, I would literally feel a physical change in myself. My pulse would slow and I would tingle from head to toe. Like rage was building up in me, but i was fighting to keep it inside.
Now as far as her personality...wow..I don't even know where to begin. She was a very intelligent woman..not just book smart, but people smart. This posed a huge challenge for me. I'm used to dating women who are "weaker" for lack of a better term. I tried and tried to break her down, but she wouldn't budge. After awhile, I guess I began to get frustrated,lost interest and ended it.

Anyhow, enough about her. A few weeks ago I met a new girl. She is young, gorgeous,successful and smart. Of course with me there always seems to be a catch. In her case, she is in the military and is on assignment several hours away. I'm still able to see her, but in a few months, she will be moving to Arizona. I laughed to myself when I found this out. It's always something. I have been making a conscious effort to avoid the whole idealization however. I'm not trying to fast forward into thoughts of marriage or anything, but still, i'm unsure of what will happen when she moves.

A friend of mine gave me a 90 day supply of Depakote which I'm going to start taking tonight. I haven't read the side effects because everytime i do, they always occur and i'm not sure how much is in my head or not. Since you are supposed to take them at bedtime, i'm sure they will make me sleepy, thats why i'm waiting until friday night to take them to make sure i won't be a zombie at work.

Speaking of work, its going very well. I found out some good news this week. Instead of them hiring another trainer, they are going to use me instead, which means more working with clients one on one and not just assisting. I'm looking forward to it. I am going to try and keep posts about work fairly vague as my field is a very small one and I don't want my identity revealed to them.

Well I'll try my best to get this updated on a more regular basis from now on.
I feel like its really helpful for me to clear my mind and to hopefully help others in the process.