Sunday, December 25, 2011

2011 Update

Still Married to Gwen and our child is 2 years old now. I have been on 100mg of Lamictal for a year at least? I imagine that has a big role in my BPD episodes being far less frequent. Don't get me wrong, it still is a daily struggle, but it almost seems somewhat manageable. Since my last post, I would say that I have had maybe 1 violent moment, but the rest of the time has been relatively calm. I logged into my blog and noticed 20+ comments that needed to be moderated. Quite a few had a negative tone to them, but for once, I didn't take it super personal. I realized that they truly do not know what it is like to deal with this on a daily basis. It is something that is beyond my control without proper medication and counseling. That does not excuse my behavior, it's just the way I am wired. That being said, there are still issues that I need to work on, but all I can do is tackle them one problem at a time, one day at a time.

13 comments:

Karen said...

I was so pleased to learn you're doing better. I have a son with BPD who's now 27 and I keep telling myself if you're okay, he'll be okay.

Penny Du'Lum said...

Hi there,
glad you feel you are making progress. I know it's a hard slog (on the journey myself). Wishing you lots of positive progree in 2012.

I I've just started a blog - please have a look if you like.

Anonymous said...

Dear Me, I hope you read this and will respond. I was so excited to read about a man in his, what I'm guessing to be his 30's? with this disorder. Not that I'm happy that you have to deal with it but I have so many questions and need someone who can help!! My husband has bpd and we are currently seperated. My ?, one of many, can someone have BPD in sorta of manic fashion. My husband substains a "normal" life unless there are high levels of stress and then BANG he turns into a walking sterotype of BPD. He refuses to seek "help" and I know that it would be easy just to walk away (specialy now that we are seperated) but I need to understand it. Call me Crazy, Sally Thanks in advance.

Penny Du'Lum said...

Thank you for this post. It always helps me keep going when I read of people successfull on the journey of recovery.

From a fellow sufferer, Penny.
http://pennydulumonlife.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Hello...I left my husband, who I believe suffers from BPD, two years ago. If living with him (and loving him) was hard, leaving him opened the gates of hell for him, our daughter, and me. I have done so much research and my daughter and I have gotten counseling...we still love him and worry about him...but it's not safe for us to have communication with him. I still have so many questions. So many things I don't understand...Many people have the opinion that he didn't really love us because you don't hurt the people you love like he did. But, I think he loved us very much. I think his love for us became a tomb of fear and torment for him and his "episodes" spiraled out of control (along with self-medicating, spending sprees, multiple one night stands and brief affairs,etc.) Anyway...are people with BPD capable of lovinge? Or do they just need? Is there anything non BPD's can do to help someone they love who has it if they refuse treatment? I want to understand...I asked him so many times to help me understand but I so rarely got anything honest from him...do BPD's ever tell the truth? Do they know what the truth is? I truly am not trying to be condescending...I just want so much to understand his pain and his actions. Thanks for "listening". Malinda

CMOE29 said...

So how are you and Gwen doing?? Do you still think that you dont love her like a husband should love a wife??

Being Borderline said...

I found your blog through my Mum. She has started researching BPD lately after it has turned really serious. I overdosed this week on purpose, and it's 'nice' to read about other peoples experiences. Mum likes the fact at how honest you are and I do as well. I admire you for having the courage to do this. I have to laugh at the people who are giving you negative comments because obviously they have no idea. No one seems to understand being borderline. Thanks for making this blog.

greymatters said...

Hi, My name is Alice, I am a 30 year old from Dublin and long term BPD sufferer. I have been reading your blog and I can't imagine how that comment about your parenting felt. I am a mother with a 16 year old, and it has absolutely been a struggle. But then I think it is for every parent. Do not worry about the effects you will have on your child. Every parent messes up their kids in some way. My daughter has an amazing sense of humor, is super creative and we have a wonderfully close relationship and hopefully always will. I have been working on a personal mental health project for the last few months. The idea is to illustrate the creative side to mental illness. Don't worry I am not selling anything. I just thought you might like it.

www.blackandwhitegreymatters.com
Thanks
Alice

greymatters said...

Hi, My name is Alice, I am a 30 year old from Dublin and long term BPD sufferer. I have been reading your blog and I can't imagine how that comment about your parenting felt. I am a mother with a 16 year old, and it has absolutely been a struggle. But then I think it is for every parent. Do not worry about the effects you will have on your child. Every parent messes up their kids in some way. My daughter has an amazing sense of humor, is super creative and we have a wonderfully close relationship and hopefully always will. I have been working on a personal mental health project for the last few months. The idea is to illustrate the creative side to mental illness. Don't worry I am not selling anything. I just thought you might like it.

www.blackandwhitegreymatters.com
Thanks
Alice

Kelly said...

I was happy to see someone in the blogging world being open and honest about BPD. I grew up with a BPD parent and have begun a blog to overcome the trauma of their untreated disorder. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see someone READILY seek the means to becoming the best they can. I'm sorry to hear you have been receiving negative comments and are forced to moderate. As I have been guilty in the past to judge my BPD parent it is my own crusade to better my own mental health issues.
I hope you don't mind I am 'following' your blog and greatly look forward to updates!

Astrology said...

thanks for the infomation

Anonymous said...

How was it growing up as a child? My adopted 12 year old daughter has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and it is very hard on our family.

me said...

@Anonymous...Growing up a child wasn't too bad. I didn't really start to notice things until I began dating, which was when I was 17. Is your daughter on any meds/getting counseling?