Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The sex
I realized something today that I guess I never really thought of before. I realized that when it comes to sex, I'm much more interested in convincing the girl to sleep with me, then I am in the act itself. It's like I seduce a woman and it's great. Then say we start dating and it's a month down the road, I start to lose interest. Not in the girl necessarily, but in having sex with her. Is this normal? This is how it has always been with me, so it makes me wonder. I think it has to do with the whole idealization and devaluation concept that is so common in borderlines. The woman is way up there because she is not giving in to going to bed with me. Once that happens, down she goes..she is trash in my eyes. Nothing to be proud of, just reality.
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4 comments:
The good news: this is normal.
The bad news: this makes you a cliche.
The additional good news: you have lots of company in this area. It's called infatuation. We all experience it. It's heady. It's a high. Once it's finished, it's dead.
But if you're interested in not being alone for the rest of your life, maybe you're interested in love. Love is a verb. You practice it. It's difficult. That's why you select a partner with qualities you value so highly that you're more easily able to fight the temptation of infatuation.
Of course, I could be full of shit.
"Love is a verb. You practice it. It's difficult. That's why you select a partner with qualities you value so highly that you're more easily able to fight the temptation of infatuation."
wow...that's brilliant. I need to print that out and keep it with me at all times.
I remember bringing this up to my therapist last year. I asked him if maybe I acted like this because I was a "late bloomer" when it came to girls liking me and maybe I was trying to make up for lost time. His response was, there is no such thing as lost time...once it has passed, there is no way to regain it.
I've done things like that, sometimes with sex, sometimes with just getting someone to like me. I don't think its something that is specific to BPD; in fact, I'd have to agree with Adrian when saying that its fairly normal. I think a lot of adults struggle with letting go of the thrill of the chase, and actually wanting love.
On the other hand, thinking that a woman is "trash" once you've bagged her is somewhat a BPD deal. Very black and white thinking - not "oh, I'm not into her anymore", but "oh, she's a whore for sleeping with me so easily". That's probably something you'll want to work on, because, honestly - if I came across a guy like you, I'd kick your ass :-)
- S
Thats what's so frustrating S, I know right from wrong, I know how one "should" act in a relationship. Its just the actually applying it part that I struggle with. Thanks for the input :)
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