I found two things out last night. I found out that it was too soon for me to be dating anyone and I found out that I still have a long road to recovery. It all started awhile back when a girl i used to date got in touch with me again. We talked on the phone awhile and caught up on each others life. We agreed to get together Friday night. The plan was to get a few drinks and then go bowling. I went by her house to pick her up and as she was getting ready I reminded her to bring socks for bowling. I don't recall what she said exactly but basically she wanted to do something else instead. Just like that, I could feel borderline kicking in. I tried my best to control it. I went in the other room and sat down quietly. I tried telling myself that it was no big deal and to let it go, but I just couldn't do it. She asked if I had thought of anything to do and I abruptly said "no". She then said something along the lines of "are you just gonna sit their and pout?" Borderline kicked into high gear and I got up, said nevermind,walked out the door and went home. I knew I was wrong, I tried telling myself to go back and apologize but it's like my brain just wouldn't let me. That has to be one of the most frustrating parts about all this.
Anyhow, I picked my kids up this morning and had a good day with them. The one down part was when my grandmother randomly asked me "what ever happened to that pretty girl who you took to church that time?" She was referring to Her. I told her that she was back with her husband and left it at that. One thing I hate is being reminded of things from my past. Speaking of Her, I came across this poem she wrote and I can only assume it was written about me. Very well written but cut like a knife through the heart.
"Keep your hands to yourself, your senseless
I dreamt of you, disgusted, relentless
Sick almost as if I couldn't breath
I'm done with you, you make me heave
I'm not riddled with guilt
You are riddled in filth
You a dirty excuse for something
Too bad, to me you now mean nothing
I laugh, you said your done with me
No longer blinded I can see
Keep your words and I'll eat mine
Not worth it at all, not worth another line."
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2 comments:
If it makes you feel better, she misused the word "your" in her little poem. She meant "you're." Kinda makes it seem like it was written by a sixth grader. :)
lmao...that made my day..you have no idea!
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