I can't believe its been so long since I've updated this. I've received comments from other people with BPD saying how they read it and wish I would write more. I'll try to keep it more updated more frequently. I guess I stopped because I got a few comments along the lines of "kill yourself", "you are an ass", etc. I took these personal and stop posting.
So to recap since my last post, there has been a lot of life changing events. Gwen and I got married in December 2008. Hard to believe,huh? If that is not surprising enough, our son was born in November of 2009. I have been taking 50mg of Lamictal daily for the past year I guess and it's really seemed to help take some of the edginess off me. We go to counseling at the church on a monthly basis and it also helps. Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments, especially with a new baby, but they aren't nearly as severe and violent as they were in the past. Suicidal thoughts still pop into my head occasionally, but they don't last more than a few seconds. Just taking things day by day.
12 comments:
Hi there, iv just found your blog. I have just recently been diagnosed with BPD, its great to see your life is on a nice track. as for the people saying Kill yourself etc. they arent worth anything. Hope to read more. xxx
keep blogging... i suspect my husband has BPD, and I stumbled accross your blog.. youre so incredibly honest about how you feel and your actions. I would like to know what it was, that made you accept you had a problem (Many years ago) and seek help and a diagnosis? For my husband, he is so deeply entrenched in believing Im the only problem, not him, I dont know if he ever will seek help.
Glad to hear things are ok now too.. cheers, from Oz.
keep blogging... I stumbled accross your blog, as my therapist and I believe my husband has BPD. I would like to know, if you could share, how it came about that you were ready to get help, and get diagnosed. My husband is so entrenched in denial that there is a problem, that I am the only problem (this is when he is on a downer), that I wonder if he will ever reach out for help.
Thanks for being so honest about your feelings and actions in your blog... and Im glad to hear things are cool for you..
Cheers,
iTeek
sorry... i just commented twice, as I didnt see the 'blogger needs to approve message first"... oops!
iTeek
I also just found your blog, I think I have BPD and I go for an official Diagnosis on may 19-it will be good to finally know what is wrong with me. Thank you for your posts.
Hi, I just did a search on Google for BPD blogs and yours came up. I've just started writing my own as a way of helping myself. I hope you will continue to update yours, I will watch with interest :)
Hey! Like "notatrial", i also just found your blog and i hope you'll write some more about your life! It seems things are going in the right direction for you, i'm glad! I was diagnosed with BPD in late 2007 and with a LOT of therapy my psychologist no longer think i have BPD. I still struggle with all the things we usually struggle with but it's going better every day. I have a friend in USA whos gf just been diagnosed with BPD (i'm from sweden). Take care of yourself and don't listen to idiots who tell you to kill yourself. They are just being pathetic.
Hi there,
I also have BPD, and your blog is wonderful to read. There's some kind of odd validation that comes from not only accepting that you have BPD, but also from finding others and connecting.
I struggle every day, and I can see that you do, too. I feel your pain. I know how awful rejection is, and how terrible it is to feel alone due to the lack of understanding regarding our condition. Those people who comment those things are awful, and filled with self hatred that they're projecting onto you. It still hurts us though, because we take the chance to put our hearts out there only to be rejected. Just remember that there are people who understand you, who accept you. And your blog is helping create more people who are aware.If you want to reach out, you're not alone.
My blog is http://overcomingborderlinepersonality.blogspot.com/
Good luck.
xoxoxo
As a child of a mother who has borderline personality disorder I feel the utmost empathy for what you will be putting your child through for the next 18 years of their life (assuming they don't move out before that).
The least you can do is direct them towards this book http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
I've read "Understanding the Borderline Mother", and it is very helpful.
But, have some compassion for what we go through. Going on blogs and telling us how empathetic you are for our family doesn't help us, it puts us down...we have a personality disorder that makes us hate ourselves, and getting comments like that is not productive in any way.
Yes, having BPD is hard, and it makes being a mother difficult. But you're here blogging, your learning, you're reaching out. You recognize that something isn't right. It hurts and its hard to change, but you can do it, and you will be an even better mother because of it. The Borderlines in those books CAN'T see that they have a problem. You can and you will overcome it.
I have a stepchild whom I think has BPD. Me and her dad understands the behaviour, but we are being crucified by family members who acts on her emotional behaviour. Can you perhaps tell us a bit about your childhood? I am really trying to understand. The best advice I got, and use every day, is: do not make it worse. Keep well, my friend.
Hi Jackie. I attended private school until 5th grade and felt "normalish", as it was a Christian and somewhat protected environment. Once I started 6th grade, I went to public school, not really knowing anybody and it sort of went downhill from there. I became extremely shy and introverted and that sort of stuck with me until I graduated. I got bullied,but was too proud/embarrassed to tell my parents. It fueled a hate in me that I still carry to this day. I lived a standard middle class life on the outside, but I witnessed my father beat my mom and say disrespectful things on numerous occasions.I'm all over the place with this comment, I know, but that is how my life seems to be on a daily basis.
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