The reminiscing

I was going over some of my old posts and reminiscing, if you will. I realized that it's been about four months now since I last spoke to my father. In this time I have heard not a word from him. No attempt to contact me, nothing. I didn't expect him too try and honestly even if he did I know I would ignore it, but still. It really shows what kind of a person he is. I'm just glad that he didn't answer the door when I came over that drunk night. Who knows what would have happened.

I read through posts about "her" and I realized how much I miss her. The past is the past, I know I need to move on, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Her parents live a few blocks away from me and occasionally I have to drive past their house on the way home. I drove by recently and saw her husbands truck there and I felt like throwing up. I don't really see her car there anymore, so I can only assume she moved back in with him. Oh well, I kind of knew deep down that it would end up that way. I have dated 3 women that were married when I met them and all 3 ended up going back home. You would have thought I would have learned my lesson the first time. I guess that should be my new rule..no more married women or women in relationships.

The letter

Here is a copy of the letter I wrote my father and emailed to him yesterday. I felt strange as I was writing it, almost light headed, but by the time I was done I felt peaceful. I haven't heard back from him or from anyone in the family yet, but I'm sure he's read it by now. Without further ado:



I'm writing this letter to tell you that I am cutting off all ties to you. You have

failed me as a father for as long as I can remember. I am convinced that one of the biggest

reasons I am suffering from mental illness is due to the effect you had on me. When I say

suffer, I mean I literally suffer, you have no idea. Your actions never cease to amaze me. I

don't understand how someone can be so selfish and inconsiderate their whole life. You are

going to die a lonely old man. You can only burn so many bridges before there are none left.

Do you remember when i was around 6 years old and you made me touch you? How about when I was

10 and you would shower with me? There is not a fucking day that goes by that I don't think

about that. You really need psychiatric help. Here is my theory on why you are so fucked up.

You realized you were gay or a cross dresser when you were young. Because you didn't want to

dissapoint grandma, you got married and have basically spent your whole life living a lie to

appease her. This must have frustrated you, so you took it out on your family. Now before you

start saying I'm not gay or whatever, don't waste your breathe, I'm not stupid, I've seen the

physical evidence. You are only kidding yourself.

I have never forgotten the time when I was getting divorced and needed somewhere to

stay. I asked you and instead of saying "of course" like most parents would, you suggested I

stay at my uncles. Of course I knew the reason behind this, you were selfish and didn't want me

to be a cock blocker, for lack of a better term. You also put way too much importance on

money and material possesions. You do know that when you die they don't go with you right?

You always bitch about not having money or make sure I pay you back, yet you have a whole

house full of crap. Here I am barely getting by and you make it a point of letting me know

that you expect me to pay you back for the books you bought for me. I honestly had no

intention of paying your sorry ass back. I figure its the least you could do. A parent should

be willing to help out their children and be there for them no matter what. You have taught

me how to be a good father by showing me how a bad father should act. I cannot ever imagine

treating my kids the way you have treated me. It just blows my mind. You wonder why my

sister doesn't have much contact with you? Its probably because she realized a long time ago how worthless you are.

As far as I'm concerned you have lost a son and two grandchildren, so enjoy your life

of selfishness. I'm writing you this letter instead of telling you in person for your own

safety. There is no doubt in my mind that if I was face to face with you I would destroy you.

and frankly, you aren't worth going to jail for.

Don't bother calling, writing or trying to get in contact with me. I'm washing my hands of

you. I hope you look back on your life and think of all that you wasted and all of the people

you have fucked over and I hope it makes you feel like shit.