Been doing some thinking about what happened the other night with married girl. I realized that its all about having control and power. With the married girl, I know that all it would take to ruin her life would for me to tell her husband that his wife is cheating on him. With Sybil, I had power because I knew that all I would have to do to ruin her life would be to call immigration and have her deported. With Her, I had power because I knew all i would have to do to ruin her life would be to tell her parents and husband that we had been dating for the last year.
This part I get. The reasoning behind it escapes me. Why do i crave th is so much? I feel like I am trying to punish people but i don't know why. I need to see a therapist that works with bpd but until i get insurance I'm afraid it just isn't going to happen.I really don't know what its going to take..wish there was a support group here in town..but i guess i can't change until i actually want to change. Its like I'm not happy unless there is some sort of drama in my life. I sit here and say how i want to change and i want to be happy but i know i really don't. i'm comfortable with being fucked up.
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It takes lot of courage to admits that your are comfortable with being fucked up!!! You have good question.
Why do i crave th is so much?
I feel like I am trying to punish people but i don't know why?
and what is stopping you from WANTED to change?
What do you get from havinf drama in your life?
when you are ready to take action you should push yourself into wrinting and admiting the truth!
And one good question is
What do I get from having power over thoses woman????
btw I didn't get your email, try this email this one should work nadcesca@sympatico.ca
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