The Revelation

Really was starting to stress about the fact that I don't have money to buy my Algebra book today. Instead of being calm and trying to figure out a solution, my thoughts immediately turned extreme and I was thinking oh great, I'm going to have to drop the class which is going to cause me to get behind, which is going to cause me to miss the deadline for the physical therapy program next march. Luckily I was able to bring myself back to earth and I realized that I could just photocopy pages from a classmates book. I guess that was a good example of the whole black and white way of borderline thinking.

Since being off my meds the last few days I have noticed a couple of things. First of all, my appetite has greatly decreased which is a good thing. My energy level during the day has increased where I no longer feel the need for naps in the daytime. The one kind of negative aspect is that I've been having some trouble sleeping at night. I woke up around 3am yesterday and tossed and turned until about 6. It was like I could not shut off my mind. I was thinking about school, my future, my kids and Her. During this time however, I did have a revelation of sorts. I think I realized why the whole girlfriend situation has really been eating at me. I think its due to the fact that my life is really unstructured right now. I mean I have a basic plan for school and all but nothing is concrete. This scares me and makes me feel unstable. In order to become stable I feel like I need a definite girlfriend to keep me in check and instill some sense of normalcy. Of course I could be way off on all of this, but it sounds plausible.