So I get a call from a good friend of mine yesterday. I don't have too many friends, but this guy I consider one of my best ones. Worked with him for 3 1/2 years. Anyhow, the conversation started out normal enough, I said whats up and he said its been a rough week. I asked him why and he said his son. His oldest son had gotten into trouble a few times over the years so I asked him "is he getting into trouble again?" His response was no, he committed suicide. I was speechless..i mumbled something along the lines of "what the fuck?" He told me his sons doctor put him on prozac 6 weeks ago and he thinks it was a factor. I have to say I agree. When I was on it, I never felt so depressed or suicidal. He told me how the memorial was going to be that night and I told him that I would be there. I came home and that was all I could think about. I'm not sure if this upset me so much because he is a close friend or because I have kids and would never want to experience that. Probably a combination of both. I was sleepy so I tried laying down but I just couldn't. My heart was raising and I had a hard time breathing. I just couldn't get it out of my head. This really affected me in ways that words just don't describe. I decided to get out of bed, pick up my kids and we spend the rest of the afternoon together. The first thing I did was give them both a big hug and tell them how much I love them. I thought back on the times that I got after them for silly things and felt terrible. I thought of the times when I myself wanted to end it all. If I felt this bad when this happened to my friend, how would my kids feel if this happened to daddy?
Talk about a wake up call.
1 comment:
A friend of mine here at college experienced the death of his brother by suicide. It's a horrible thing to deal with for the loved ones, that's for sure. That's what kept me from going through with it all those times when I was suicidal. The thought of what my mom would go through was just too overwhelming, but it kept me safe in many ways. My best wishes to your friend and his family.
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