The side job

Interesting day today. Even though I "retired" from the I.T. world, I still work as an independent contractor doing jobs on the side. It sucks, but it pays well. Anyhow, I had a job this morning to replace a display on a laptop. I printed out the instructions on how to replace it and headed out to the job. I get out there, follow the steps to replace it and then I power it up to test it. To my dismay, their was nothing at all on the display. All of a sudden I felt an episode coming on. I started to sweat, but I got the chills at the same time. My heart rate sped up and I began to breathe heavily. The only thing I could think about was getting the hell out of there. Of course I knew it wouldn't be that easy because if I just got up and left, I would be more than likely be suspended or terminated by the company that routes the jobs to me. I ended up telling the customer that the part was defective and we would have to have a new one ordered. I am the type that hates confrontation. I really didn't feel like calling the company whom I was doing the job for and explaining to them, so I just updated the work order saying that it didn't work and and the part must have been defective. I requested that they route the work order to another tech as I would be out of town for the next week. At this point I have no idea if everything will be cool or if I will get termed by the company. I'm hoping it will work out as I really depend on these jobs to make ends meet. Its always something...

I also spoke with Her today. She wanted to get out of the house and suggested we go to the park for a hike. I didn't have anything else going on so I accepted. I felt kind of strange for some reason, I didn't feel like myself...felt really mellow. We hiked a few miles then rested and talked for awhile. We didn't talk about us much, just about random things. Later she suggested grabbing a few margaritas, so we went and had a few. I started to loosen up a bit and we had a really good time. Its like her heart wants to be with me, but her brain tells her no. Not much I can do at this point but wait it out, but for each day that goes by, I feel we are growing further and further apart.