Had lunch with her yesterday, exchanged emails throughout the day and things seemed somewhat normal. I don't have my kids this weekend, so I wanted to do something friday night. I asked if she wanted to do something, but she said that since she doesn't know what she wants, that she didn't think it would be a good idea. I'm glad she was honest and didn't say something like she was studying or not feeling well. She ended up going to a club with friends and I ended up going out alone. She called me today to see how I was doing and we chatted for awhile. A few minutes later I called her. I asked if she had come to some conclusion yet and she said she still didn't know. The whole seeing each other/talking and then going back to nothing has really taken its toll on me. I told her to really think about what she wants and then call me when she's decided. As each day passes, I'm starting to accept that she doesn't want me. If she does it would be a shock, but such is life.
I found out some really good news yesterday. My sister rents a 3 bedroom house and her roommate is moving out at the end of this month. As long as her landlord is cool with it, I'm going to be moving out of my grandparents and in with her. I hope it all works out as I really feel getting out of my grandparents will be the best thing for me and my road to recovery.
Today was a strange day overall. I woke up early to take my daughter to her soccer game, then came home and spent most of the day in bed. Slept a little, looked at the ceiling alot. Finally got enough energy to go out and walk for a few miles. Overall it wasn't an up day or a down day, just somewhere in between I guess. Felt numb for the most part. I hate that.
2 comments:
i was just diagnosed with BPD last week. I hate the numb feeling the most.
It gets better, really. If you're on the right meds, you won't necessarily have up days or down days, but you will still feel better. No "numbness". Also, therapy helps you deal with everything, including recovery. I'd highly recommend it if you can get it. If not, a group therapy session is okay, too. There's a group called depression and bipolar support alliance (DBSA), that's a national group and they have local chapters all over the place. Surely there's a meeting near you. Give it a try. Hope this helps.
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